Characters: Clow and Yuuko
Phrase: # 24. "You were born to be my torment". Jane Eyre
Synopsis: He loves her, she is sure of that, but he can never be truly hers.
Those Rare Moments
Clow cooks, cleans, sews, makes sure the Mokonas go to bed on time, and still manages to look nice at the end of the day, when they sit down in his garden or her veranda to have a chat and a drink. He does it all with a smile, too. Yuuko can’t help but find the whole thing very amusing. He’s like a perfect housewife – except for the tiny detail of gender, of course, but it’s not as if Clow ever cared too much about those things. He does make her chocolate for Valentine’s Day, after all.
She actually says it aloud, once, after she’s had enough sake to loosen her tongue.
“You’d make a wonderful husband,” she tells him, and only realizes the full implications of that phrase once the words have left her mouth.
Clow doesn’t tease her about it, or even reply at all. He does smile a little. But his smile is sad, and he looks away as he takes a sip of his own sake, and she doesn’t ask.
* * *
“You were born to be my torment,” he sighs dramatically.
He always says cheesy things like that, for the silliest of reasons. It’s not as if she’s broken his heart. He just got stuck untangling her hair, after his own Card got it this way with her “playful” wind, so he has no right to be upset. But Clow has always liked the drama.
It’s funny. He makes such a fuss over the smallest things, and yet he never talks about the problems that truly worry him.
… well, in truth, it’s not funny at all and Yuuko knows that. But it’s easier to think of it as yet another of his quirks. It can’t be helped, anyway. It’s far too late for that.
“Oh, stop whining and get back to work!”
He chuckles a little and moves the ivory comb through the tangles in her hair, slow and soft, like a caress.
* * *
He loves her, she is sure of that, but he can never be truly hers. He has too much history to ever belong to a single person.
This is also true for her, of course, and sometimes she wonders how he feels about it. She isn’t sure of how she wants him to feel.
* * *
When they’ve just become friends, right after he introduces her to his Cards and Guardians, Yuuko decides to return the favour. She takes him to see all the people who are important to her: the fox with the oden stand, and Akari with that wonderful liquor, and young Haruka, and her trusted fortune teller who calls Clow “ojii-sama” even though she looks a little older than him.
They all think he is very kind and a little dangerous. Yuuko thinks he is worth the risk.
Even after he’s long gone, she doesn’t change her mind.
* * *
They lie face up on her veranda, staring at the bright moon above. It’s one of those rare moments when neither of them says a word; it might be the sake, or the quiet of the night, or the depth of their own thoughts. But it’s very enjoyable, even though she knows it won’t last for long. It never does. There comes a point when their thoughts become too much to bear alone, and then one of them will speak them aloud, and the spell will break.
“I was one, once,” Clow says, out of the blue.
She almost tells him off for following the paths of his own mind without giving her any context. There is no way to know what he’s referring to, which age old conversation he’s suddenly decided to continue. He often does this after a bottle or two. But when she turns her head to look at him she sees his face still looking up, so open and lonely and broken, and she can’t bear to say any upsetting words.
“You were what?”
“A husband,” he says, still not facing her. “A good one, I hope.”
Yuuko doesn’t ask what happened. There is no mystery to it; he’s lived hundreds of years, most people don’t. The details are unimportant. Without a word, she turns to gaze at the moon again. But she takes his hand, and he squeezes it just a little.
He falls asleep with his head on her shoulder a few minutes later. He’s smiling, and she wonders who keeps him company in his dreams.